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No Time For Grief #Wheninmilan 3

Like myself... My favorite city is full of secret places, a place to hide, to chill or dress to kill. My uniform will always be monochrome, oversized, maximum minimality and dare i say powerful. Monochrome soothes my chaotic mind but not now i guess... not now....

It was a gloomy day, I need sometime to think, school works are just too crazy, I sometimes wanted to give up and let everything go. As much as i love fashion, it could be so stressful at some point til you hate it. To calm my mind down i walked around Milan and suddenly.... I found this huge colosseum like building, the iron gates are sky high tall, i thought it was a castle or maybe a church? It's bigger than the Duomo for sure.
I looked around and I saw couples, old people and.... oh no..... a group of people with black outfits and bouquets of flowers in their hands entered the gate... It was open for public and I'm already too curious to turn away from this majestic place. So... I entered the place, it was the biggest cemetery here in Milan, full of statues, arts and of course the ones who already rested in peace... I walked around the area, up to the stairs and feel the breeze. I got goosebumps all over me, i stayed still for awhile and take a moment to look around this beautiful cemetery.

Silence filled the whole area, i saw a couple of lovebirds kissing in silence, a lady crying in silence and me... Standing here alone, wondering what would happen next? Should i stay at this pity party phase in my life, with all of the school works, LDR and those opportunities that I've been missing  for these past months? Looking at those statues and gravestones... I know i have no time to grief, life is hard as we know it. But be grateful cause you still got a chance to do what you love and to do it well is all you can do Cindy.... I get up from the stairs, running through the pine trees and i stopped... Wait, i know them... What are they doing here? Together, without my other friends... hmm hmm hmm, remember when i say Milan is full of secret places? I must've found one, the one they thought would never be found... I run towards them...

to be continued....

Photographed by Tridan Yoshua
Top & shoes by Young Hungry Free
Pants by Zara
Bag by Dignitycloth


Hopes Daydreams and Coffee #Wheninmilan 2

The best city to have a sip of coffee quietly and mind your own business basically in a cafe. Milan... where business meetings, alone time and Italian heart pouring session happened all in one place. I could remember vividly that day was a sunny sunday, the last day of this year when i could wear my comfy shorts and  give my legs the ray of sunshine i muchly needed.
It's so good to have an alone time in Milan, I was lost in my own daydreams... My heartbeat went a little bit crazy because of the two espresso shots i took earlier... It's time for the egg Benedict and orange juice i guess...
I couldn't stop thinking about my hopes, dreams and the reality that bites. Mr.B went home to Indonesia already after a good cry we start to get back on our own. Back to the reality of LDR and business. My mood was not as bright as the sunlight...Grey is the word describes me best.. What should i do to move forward? But then... Let's inhale and exhale... Just breath Cindy, all you can do is wait and see...
God is full of surprises, right after i surrender and let Him do the work... My phone started to vibrates like crazy and BAM.... 4 emails and two texts from people that i respect the most appeared on the screen... Let my hopes and daydreams come true or maybe it's just a set back that i need to accept? *big sigh*

Photographed by Tridan Yoshua
Coat by COS
Top and Shorts by Young Hungry Free
Ring by Astrid and Miyu
Shoes by Gianvito Rossi x Mary Katrantzou


Balmain x H&M Collaboration Lookbook

So The winter is coming and after all the fashion weeks galore all we can think of is shopping and shopping! Do you still remember about Balmain x H&M collection that will be launched on the 5th of November? Do you care at all?
For those who said "OMG off course we care!" Get ready to camped outside the nearest H&M stores and welcome to the #Balmainarmy cause this #HMBalmaination will bring out the sexy, fierce , independent and edgy side of you with the budget friendly price tags.
Olivier Rousting the creative director of Balmain said "The craftsmanship was really important to me in the Balmain x H&M collection. If you collaborate with Balmain, you have to know that there can never be any compromise, and that’s something that H&M understood so well." during his interview with vogue. So... which one will you grab first?
The high end french brand will also launched the menswear collection on the same date... What do you think of the collection? Is it WOW, okay, interesting or BLEH? I'll definitely throw a punch for those boots tho...


#Wheninmilan 1

I thought my plan was clear. Jump, survive and come back home when i finish my race.
First i nailed stage one, two and three. There's no replay button by the way; so i felt pretty darn good. I won the bonus round too! I'm tougher and stronger now. I'm ready to come home and made my long time dreams come true but oh... NOW You tell me that i could choose whether to come back or to continue for the most challenging round ever? What kind of game is this? 

6 p.m: 

I look outside the window... Thinking so hard i didn't realize it's noon already. The sun went down as fast as the lightning that day. My mom texted me and she told me to stay here a little bit longer, i nod as if she was in front of me... But my heart wants to go home and hug my love ones... It hurt me a little bit when i saw her texts, it's like she didn't want me to bother her anymore but i knew that's just my middle child syndrome trying to bring me down again... Oh Cindy, she sacrificed her happiness for you, respect her opinion pretty please! 

I try to distract my mind by counting those tiny people wandering around the piazza, so many and those colors are so pretty. Silence filled the room surrounded by high ceiling windows, i wear my daily uniform which are black hat, shoes, dress and dark lipstick. As conservative as ever... yeah right my hair color are black and green so this is the new office look yo! I looked calm and collective, but what's inside my head are two tornadoes swirling around fighting just like the cats and dogs  ... They've been running around like crazy. What should i do? God, could You give me a sign or two just to be sure? Am i good enough to even dream about it? But i thought I've finished the race and had some wild dreams i know... but they're not actionable. It's not even possible but i never thought I'll finish my race either. So.... What should i do? Back to square one... 

Suddenly my phone rang and it's an unknown number... I press the answer button and....

"Hi is this Cindy? I'm.... from AAAA and we would love to schedule a job interview with you, are you here in Milan?", she asked. 

I just gasped and said 
" Si, Sono io...hmm I mean yes sure i would love to!"

"I'll send you the details via email and see you soon!" the call ended and my heart was filled with uncertainty.

Should i dove deeper? Think hard and figure your things out darling!

I checked my emails and OMG... Another job interview and a morning meeting for Thursday!! *gasped* You gotta be kidding me... Sometimes God answers your prayers in a blink of an eye.  How could You do this? I thought when my friends telling me to come home quick and start a life in my home country were the signs! I've made up my mind but then... You answered all of my prayers at once and my little brains are all messed up and confused... Silly me, i thought i would know how this blogpost gonna end but NOPE! Just be grateful and keep swimming Cindy... Just, be careful what you wish for cause He said "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD(Isaiah 55:8). 

Maybe just maybe, it's okay to not to have a plan at all? Life is full of uncertainty, it's okay to be lost... Everything is going to be just fine you'll find the answer later *inhale exhale* 

to be continued.... 

Photographed by Tridan Yoshua       Dress: Duma Official       Shoes: Zara         Hat: &Other Stories


Lost and Found

Have you ever felt so lost? Like you don't know what to do or what will happen next, your surroundings seems a little bit too familiar. You had everything well planned but one thing led to another and you end up here... Forced to choose between two paths; your wildest dreams and the convenience of reality.
You try to walk them both in the same time but oh boy, sometimes you lose your hope... Sometimes you feel left out because you took the different path. While everybody is so happy to live in their comfort zone; your comfort zone. But you... you still try(and try and try) to break the rules and hope someday you'll make it to the other point of your life, little baby steps at a time.
I found myself in this situation lately and i really want to overcome this fear. I want to try the hardest, to change my destiny. To be brave enough to say "well... at least I've tried", to have faith in the journey itself, in God and in myself. I was lost and i almost lose ALL of my hopes... But today i decided to be brave enough to start something new, to at least give it a try. To find what i really made of once more and i hope you're ride along with me... Through our ups and downs, well.... Life is all about Lost and Found...
I made a youtube channel last week, thank you so much for those who watch, like, subscribe and share... I really appreciate it guys and I'm blessed to be able to inspire and get inspired by you all for these past 4 years.  Click HERE to see my new Vlog on youtube!

Photographed by Agung Kurniawan of Moreno Photography
Vest dress: Duma Official
Pants: Zara
Shoes: Lostandfoundjkt
Bag: Selma by Michael Kors
Watch: Daniel Wellington


Night In Milan

Got an impromptu photoshoot with a super talented photographer of Moreno Photography here in Milan. I never have an icy blue night in Milan before and this one is so perfect! I even got a total makeover from Ely, she's so talented! I feel like a Cinderella before, so pretty and elegant just for one night since i never got a professional makeup artist here in Milan.The duomo looks like the Disney castle and with my Nike sports bra I'm so ready to run away i guess.

Photographed by Agung Kurniawnn
MUA by Ely Agustina
Blazer: Bespoke vintage blazer
Top: Nike